Here we are, Yujiro and me; 3.30am, in the lab. They come too many things to anyone's mind at this time, so I guess that it's better just to say hello and try to tidy this mess up in order to be at home by 4.30. A similar feeling to that I felt when I was in those endless on call nights...
2011/03/05
2011/03/01
2011/02/26
27+4
Last Tuesday it was 6 months since I arrived in London. And 9 since the last time I saw a patient on my own. Yes, such a long time and, as you’ll see in the next lines, I still keep trying to learn proper British English... Perhaps that’s the reason why I just started writing these few words in that language which, believe or not, want or not, is embracing me tighter little by little. If you’ve already thought that this is too freaky, please stop reading and carry on with your duties. To be honest, doing just what I feel I should do is one of the first lessons I’ve learnt so far, so don’t be polite and stop reading if you just feel that you should do so.
It’s been a long time since I last wrote. Yes, I was too busy and tired of being in front of the computer. I am not in love, nor trying to be so (as some of you have suggested). Besides, I have no longer internet connection at home. Yes, I’m in the lab again. Although I haven’t written for such a long time, the brain never stopped; and even less while beeing busy. Every time I feel happy, see something special or just feel lucky for being here I think that I should write it down here. But it is usually when I am far from any computer. It’s curious. What I also clearly thought is that this mail should be in English. That’s the way it is.
Some of you already know that during Christmas time I was in the Pyrenees with my brother and his friends, or that in last January Javier my Paraguayan friend from Barcelona stayed here for a week. But this time I won’t speak much about what has happened “outside”; instead, I’ll write about what’s happened inside during the last months.
The summary could be that I feel lost more often than what I used to. In the beginning this feeling was accompanied by frustration. I came here with too many perfect ideas, too many prejudgements, too many high-level-aims, too many goodbye-sweet-compliments in my suitcase... and the first months were a rather tough period, in which I could see how all those pretty ideas and thoughts were falling down one by one. It has been like beginning everything almost from scratch. I thought I was a proper doctor, with my specialty and someone to be respected in a hospital; but here (obviously) no one knew/knows anything about it, and no one is keen on giving anything for free. I also thought that, although I like being with my family and friends, I would enjoy being free and would find good friends soon, and thus occasional cyber-contact would be enough for both of us... Likewise, after having lived in so many places and having met so many people, I thought I could learn little more about human relationships, reactions, behaviour,... I even thought English wouldn’t be an issue any more, and English people were known to me long time ago. Yes, I came here feeling like feak Super-Oier, the one that knew everything and the one that should had been received as a hero... I didn’t realize about it at that time, but now I understand it like that. One of the most sad things is that I even thought that I knew enough about myself. Jajajajaajaja... life is amazing.
The last couple of months reality has been shown to me increasingly clear. The fog is vanishing now, and after accepting it just how it is, I feel better. Frustration has disappeared and a new understanding of surrounding things guides me in and out the city. Now I can see that regardless the sadness, loneliness, remorse and/or frustration that I could feel (and would feel in the future) there is something else. Something that I couldn’t see before. Something that other people who have lived abroad talked about before. I don’t really know how long this feeling’s effect will last or what the consequence of it will be, but I feel thankful. In the last months, although I haven’t been clearly awarded in the professional field, I’ve seen/lived situations, met and talked to people, been told about stories or thought about things that I will probably do never again; or perhaps I’ll do, who knows. Basic things like friendship, family, love, honesty, truth, well-being, happiness, confidence and balance are compulsory; as well as many other negative things.
Today, after a brief period of changes (half a year), after having composed new songs again, after having started reading out of medicine books, after having been in North-Wales during last weekend and certainly after feeling so lucky, (and after this long dissertation) I wanted to share this moment with you. Have a very nice day.
It’s been a long time since I last wrote. Yes, I was too busy and tired of being in front of the computer. I am not in love, nor trying to be so (as some of you have suggested). Besides, I have no longer internet connection at home. Yes, I’m in the lab again. Although I haven’t written for such a long time, the brain never stopped; and even less while beeing busy. Every time I feel happy, see something special or just feel lucky for being here I think that I should write it down here. But it is usually when I am far from any computer. It’s curious. What I also clearly thought is that this mail should be in English. That’s the way it is.
Some of you already know that during Christmas time I was in the Pyrenees with my brother and his friends, or that in last January Javier my Paraguayan friend from Barcelona stayed here for a week. But this time I won’t speak much about what has happened “outside”; instead, I’ll write about what’s happened inside during the last months.
The summary could be that I feel lost more often than what I used to. In the beginning this feeling was accompanied by frustration. I came here with too many perfect ideas, too many prejudgements, too many high-level-aims, too many goodbye-sweet-compliments in my suitcase... and the first months were a rather tough period, in which I could see how all those pretty ideas and thoughts were falling down one by one. It has been like beginning everything almost from scratch. I thought I was a proper doctor, with my specialty and someone to be respected in a hospital; but here (obviously) no one knew/knows anything about it, and no one is keen on giving anything for free. I also thought that, although I like being with my family and friends, I would enjoy being free and would find good friends soon, and thus occasional cyber-contact would be enough for both of us... Likewise, after having lived in so many places and having met so many people, I thought I could learn little more about human relationships, reactions, behaviour,... I even thought English wouldn’t be an issue any more, and English people were known to me long time ago. Yes, I came here feeling like feak Super-Oier, the one that knew everything and the one that should had been received as a hero... I didn’t realize about it at that time, but now I understand it like that. One of the most sad things is that I even thought that I knew enough about myself. Jajajajaajaja... life is amazing.
The last couple of months reality has been shown to me increasingly clear. The fog is vanishing now, and after accepting it just how it is, I feel better. Frustration has disappeared and a new understanding of surrounding things guides me in and out the city. Now I can see that regardless the sadness, loneliness, remorse and/or frustration that I could feel (and would feel in the future) there is something else. Something that I couldn’t see before. Something that other people who have lived abroad talked about before. I don’t really know how long this feeling’s effect will last or what the consequence of it will be, but I feel thankful. In the last months, although I haven’t been clearly awarded in the professional field, I’ve seen/lived situations, met and talked to people, been told about stories or thought about things that I will probably do never again; or perhaps I’ll do, who knows. Basic things like friendship, family, love, honesty, truth, well-being, happiness, confidence and balance are compulsory; as well as many other negative things.
Today, after a brief period of changes (half a year), after having composed new songs again, after having started reading out of medicine books, after having been in North-Wales during last weekend and certainly after feeling so lucky, (and after this long dissertation) I wanted to share this moment with you. Have a very nice day.
2011/02/13
2011/02/03
ABADINOTIK ASAU OINGO SAN BLASATAN
Beharragaz nehie eintte nabill oingoan, ta akabuko egunetan kanta hau bueltaka ta bueltaka...bolumena topera...
Oingo astean liberu barri bet hasi dot, opari bet, atxine hasi gure neuena (The basque history of the world). Ta beran hasikerako orrietan olerkitxu hau tope dot... Berba barik lotu naz. Halan da ze, oingo astean kantea ta olerkie oparitzet. Eskerrik asko Eneko!!
Hitzik ez dago
zure irribarreak
gure bizitzaren artean
sortzen duen argi hori
deskribatzeko,
itsasargi baten antzera.
Iparrorratza baten bila
joan zaitez bidaiari!
Ando de curro hasta el culo esta vez, y estos dias esta cancion una y otra vez en la cabeza... trankilos que pronto habra algo de fundamento. bs
Oingo astean liberu barri bet hasi dot, opari bet, atxine hasi gure neuena (The basque history of the world). Ta beran hasikerako orrietan olerkitxu hau tope dot... Berba barik lotu naz. Halan da ze, oingo astean kantea ta olerkie oparitzet. Eskerrik asko Eneko!!
Hitzik ez dago
zure irribarreak
gure bizitzaren artean
sortzen duen argi hori
deskribatzeko,
itsasargi baten antzera.
Iparrorratza baten bila
joan zaitez bidaiari!
Ando de curro hasta el culo esta vez, y estos dias esta cancion una y otra vez en la cabeza... trankilos que pronto habra algo de fundamento. bs
2011/01/26
2011/01/22
ARCADI OLIVERES
Urtea hasteko era eziñ hobea. Batek baino giauk bialdu dostezuelako, hamentxe beran perlatxu betzuk.
Una forma inmejorable para empezar el año. Porque más de uno de vosotros me la habéis mandado, aquí tenéis algunas de sus perlas.
An unimprovable way to begin this year. As many of you sent me, here u are some of his pearls.
Una forma inmejorable para empezar el año. Porque más de uno de vosotros me la habéis mandado, aquí tenéis algunas de sus perlas.
An unimprovable way to begin this year. As many of you sent me, here u are some of his pearls.
2010/12/31
ZINTZOTASUNA: ASKATASUNA
Urte honetan derrigorrez sartu behar neuena da geurkoa. Derrigor sartu beharrekoa ta garrantzi handiz akaburengoa ixetea... Eneko nire lagunek aspaldien idatziko olerkieri soñue imiñttea akorde zazten oiñ denporatxu. Oiñ hiru aste bera ta beran famelie Bruselara bisittetan joan nintzenean momentu sano berezi beten berari kante notzen. Idea bat eiñddeixuen ta letrea "ikisi" deixuen hau de urteko akaburengo mezue (itzulpena Enekok berak bialdu dost neuk eskatute). Dana dala, urte barrie gehienontzat ezta biher hasko... Ms
Lo de hoy era necesario meterlo este año. Necesario y muy importante el meterlo hoy... Hace tiempo se me ocurrió ponerle melodía a un poema de mi amigo Eneko. Hace 3 semanas cuando fui a visitar a él y a su familia a Bruselas se la pude cantar en un momento muy especial. Para que os hagáis una idea y para que os aprendáis la letra, este es último mensaje de este año (la traducción es del mismo Eneko). Aunque para la mayoría el año nuevo no empieza mañana... Bs
zintzotasuna: askatasuna
Besteon tontakeriekin
barre egitean,
irribarre faltsu bat
nire aurpegira datorrenean,
nire parte bat hiltzen dihoa.
Hain astiro,
non ez‐materia bihurtzen den
segundu horretan
hotza sentitzen dut.
Hipokresiaren izotzarekin
koktel pozoitsu bat
edaten ari naizela badakidalako.
Zoriontsu izateko
askea izan behar dut
eta askea izateko
zintzotasunaren mina
pairatu behar dut.
Zintzo izatearen askatasuna,
ezer baino handiagoa da.
Hegaz egiteko
aukera bitxi horietariko bat.
Zintzotasuna eta askatasuna
begirada galduen edertasuna moduan
deskribagaitzak dira.
Hitzekin soilik deskribagaitzak;
jasangaitza niretzat.
Hemengo tresnekin ezin da
eta bilatzen ematen ditut orduak
haraindiaren inbidiaz jota.
Beldurrarekin
jolas batean gaude etengabe.
Guk irabaztean... libre!
Hark menperatzerakoan,
askatasunaren handitasuna
ulertzen dut,
heriotzatik hurbil
bizitzaren diztira
benetakotzat hautematen den antzera.
Besteon aurrean ederragoa agertzea
norbere begien azterketa etengabekoari
ihes egitea baino
errexagoa al den
nire buruari behin eta berriz
galdezka nabil orain ere.
Hitzak / Letra: Eneko Urizar
Irudia / Imagen: Martista
honestidad: libertad
Al reírme con las tonterías
de los que me rodean,
cuando una sonrisa falsa
se instala en mi cara,
una parte mía va muriendo.
Tan lentamente,
que, en ese instante
cuando se convierte en nada
siento frio
porque sé que estoy bebiendo
un coctel venenoso
con el hielo de la hipocresía.
Me pregunto una y otra vez
si es más sencillo
aparecer hermoso
frente a los demás,
que escapar al análisis interminable
de los ojos de uno mismo.
Para ser feliz
tengo que ser libre
y para ser libre
estoy obligado a sentir
el dolor de la honestidad.
La libertad de ser honesto,
es más grande que todo.
Uno de esos extraños momentos
para poder volar.
La honestidad y la libertad,
como la belleza de las miradas perdidas,
son indescriptibles.
Indescriptibles solo con palabras,
y eso se me hace insoportable.
Con las herramientas de aquí
no se puede
y paso las horas buscando,
envidiando al más allá.
Estamos siempre jugando con el miedo.
Cuando vencemos... libres!
Cuando el miedo domina
entiendo la grandeza de la libertad,
como auténtico se percibe
el brillo de la vida
al acercarse
la muerte.
Lo de hoy era necesario meterlo este año. Necesario y muy importante el meterlo hoy... Hace tiempo se me ocurrió ponerle melodía a un poema de mi amigo Eneko. Hace 3 semanas cuando fui a visitar a él y a su familia a Bruselas se la pude cantar en un momento muy especial. Para que os hagáis una idea y para que os aprendáis la letra, este es último mensaje de este año (la traducción es del mismo Eneko). Aunque para la mayoría el año nuevo no empieza mañana... Bs
zintzotasuna: askatasuna
Besteon tontakeriekin
barre egitean,
irribarre faltsu bat
nire aurpegira datorrenean,
nire parte bat hiltzen dihoa.
Hain astiro,
non ez‐materia bihurtzen den
segundu horretan
hotza sentitzen dut.
Hipokresiaren izotzarekin
koktel pozoitsu bat
edaten ari naizela badakidalako.
Zoriontsu izateko
askea izan behar dut
eta askea izateko
zintzotasunaren mina
pairatu behar dut.
Zintzo izatearen askatasuna,
ezer baino handiagoa da.
Hegaz egiteko
aukera bitxi horietariko bat.
Zintzotasuna eta askatasuna
begirada galduen edertasuna moduan
deskribagaitzak dira.
Hitzekin soilik deskribagaitzak;
jasangaitza niretzat.
Hemengo tresnekin ezin da
eta bilatzen ematen ditut orduak
haraindiaren inbidiaz jota.
Beldurrarekin
jolas batean gaude etengabe.
Guk irabaztean... libre!
Hark menperatzerakoan,
askatasunaren handitasuna
ulertzen dut,
heriotzatik hurbil
bizitzaren diztira
benetakotzat hautematen den antzera.
Besteon aurrean ederragoa agertzea
norbere begien azterketa etengabekoari
ihes egitea baino
errexagoa al den
nire buruari behin eta berriz
galdezka nabil orain ere.
Hitzak / Letra: Eneko Urizar
Irudia / Imagen: Martista
honestidad: libertad
Al reírme con las tonterías
de los que me rodean,
cuando una sonrisa falsa
se instala en mi cara,
una parte mía va muriendo.
Tan lentamente,
que, en ese instante
cuando se convierte en nada
siento frio
porque sé que estoy bebiendo
un coctel venenoso
con el hielo de la hipocresía.
Me pregunto una y otra vez
si es más sencillo
aparecer hermoso
frente a los demás,
que escapar al análisis interminable
de los ojos de uno mismo.
Para ser feliz
tengo que ser libre
y para ser libre
estoy obligado a sentir
el dolor de la honestidad.
La libertad de ser honesto,
es más grande que todo.
Uno de esos extraños momentos
para poder volar.
La honestidad y la libertad,
como la belleza de las miradas perdidas,
son indescriptibles.
Indescriptibles solo con palabras,
y eso se me hace insoportable.
Con las herramientas de aquí
no se puede
y paso las horas buscando,
envidiando al más allá.
Estamos siempre jugando con el miedo.
Cuando vencemos... libres!
Cuando el miedo domina
entiendo la grandeza de la libertad,
como auténtico se percibe
el brillo de la vida
al acercarse
la muerte.
JANGSHUO
Lenguneko bideoan hango lagun betzukez atara gendun erretratu hau imiñttea ahaztu daten...
El otro día se me olvidó poner esta foto que nos sacamos con unos amigos de allí...
El otro día se me olvidó poner esta foto que nos sacamos con unos amigos de allí...
2010/12/28
TXINA
Gehienok dakixuen moduen, ta beste batzuten esan doten moduen, udebarrien akabuen Txinan egon nintzen. Bija horrek geuze askotarako balio ixen zozten, baia batez bere flipetako. Orduko egunetan eiñekoa kuadernutxu beten apuntetan joan nintzen ta ha ordenetan dotenean kontekotzuet giau sentzasiñoan ganean... Geur errementeta akabedot bean dekozuena monteu ta kargetan; bakitt sano kutrea dala!!! Baia linux erabilltteak pazientzie galdueraitten deu windows-egaz parekeran...
Danontzako, zuzenean, handik ekarriko materialan lelango piezatxue.
Como la mayoría sabéis (y como he dicho otras veces) al final de primavera estuve en Txina. El viaje me valió para muchas cosas, pero sobre todo para flipar. Lo que pasó durante aquellos días lo fui apuntando en un pequeño cuaderno, que cuando lo ordene podré contar más sobre las sensaciones... Hoy he terminado bastante cansado sólo preparando lo de abajo; ya sé que es muy cutre, pero viniendo desde linux la desesperación de tener que estar continuamente lidiando con windows casi ha podido conmigo...
Para todos, en directo, la primera pieza del material que vino.
Danontzako, zuzenean, handik ekarriko materialan lelango piezatxue.
Como la mayoría sabéis (y como he dicho otras veces) al final de primavera estuve en Txina. El viaje me valió para muchas cosas, pero sobre todo para flipar. Lo que pasó durante aquellos días lo fui apuntando en un pequeño cuaderno, que cuando lo ordene podré contar más sobre las sensaciones... Hoy he terminado bastante cansado sólo preparando lo de abajo; ya sé que es muy cutre, pero viniendo desde linux la desesperación de tener que estar continuamente lidiando con windows casi ha podido conmigo...
Para todos, en directo, la primera pieza del material que vino.
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